We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
