and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
