Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
