I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
