Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
