and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize