I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
