this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
