There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
