man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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