I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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