Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
