Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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