Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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