Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
