I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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