the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
