I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize