i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
