Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
