It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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