I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
