sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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