ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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