with your own penis?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
