Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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