Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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