Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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