worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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