i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
