i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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