as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
