I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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