Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
