For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
