Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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