who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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