I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
