I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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