I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
