I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
