Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
