You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
