I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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