Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
