yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
