First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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