we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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