I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
