I'm eating all of the evidence.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
