Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
