My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
