So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry about my life...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
