my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
