I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
