Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need moral support for this bender
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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