Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
