Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
