My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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