WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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