He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
