Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
