I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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