remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
