i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
