Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
zippers are such a cool invention
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I want is dick and wine.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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