Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I only lived at night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize