Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
