I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
