theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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