belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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