Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
